Salute to Spouses Blog

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Deployment Soundtrack: Beautiful Boy
        Beautiful Boy         (Darling Boy)

        John Lennon , 1980

            Preview Song

I did it! I sent my baby to kindergarten. I have told you before that my sweet boy is on the autism spectrum and he is what most doctors would term as high functioning. What we have also discussed before is that his speech is not that great, so it scares me to death to put him in a new situation. But I am also his mother and I still have to push him out of my comfort zone. The funny thing is that when he began public school in Maryland, people would tell me that, ‘I was my son's best advocate.’Truthfully, I had no idea what that meant until a few weeks ago.

Based on my sweet boy's Individualized Education Plan, he was supposed to be in a self-contained classroom most of the day and he was to spend 30 minutes per day in a general education classroom. For any of you that know my sweet boy, you know that it does not make sense, but I really do try to lean on the experience of the educators when it comes to decisions like that. This time the educators were wrong.

I went to the school where he was assigned to register him and I was informed that he was re-assigned to the brand new school on post. 'That is great,' I thought. They will have the best technology and they even have a fun sensory room with a swing that can be put in the ceiling! It gets better! It is within walking distance from my house, but they will still bus him! Oh my goodness, I could not ask for a better situation until something dawned on me. This new team has not met sweet boy. They have not observed sweet boy. They don't know me. They don't know his IEP. Oh my goodness, this is terrible!

I raced across town and registered sweet boy at his new school on Friday, and Monday, I called to set up a meeting. As I spoke with the assistant principal, she seemed to be listening intently to my needs, and she agreed that a meeting with the autism teacher, the general education teacher and the paraprofessional was a good idea. What shocked me was that within a couple of hours, there was an email in my inbox from the assistant principal asking the autism resource teacher to contact me. School began the following Wednesday, and kinder began the Monday after that.

At this point, you may want to get your beverage of choice. Things are going to get good!

We finally have a meeting scheduled. I spent the evening before studying sweet boy's IEP and his Extended School Year final report. I was a little more than shocked to discover that my sweet boy had surpassed most of the educational goals that had been set for him for the 2012-2013 school year. That struck me as both good and bad.

So, sweet boy and I show up for the meeting, and it is in the autism resource classroom. As I put one foot through the door, I realized that I should have asked more questions when he was assigned to the self-contained classroom.

Before I go on, please understand that the behaviors that I will describe can be characteristic of severely autistic children and I know that in some cases these behaviors are difficult or impossible to control. That is why autism is described as a spectrum and getting back into the school routine is tough on all the kids!

As we came into the classroom, we saw children who were grunting, hitting and kicking. We saw children who were not verbal and we sat down at one of the side tables to stay out of the way until the teacher was ready for us. As we waited, I looked around the room and do you know what struck me? What struck me was how sterile the room was. I know that it has to be that way, but kindergarten should be warm and inviting. The other thing that struck me was the ages of the children. Due to a staffing issue, they had all ages in the one classroom. Oh my stars! At one point, I found my sweet boy in a closet because he couldn't handle the behavior of the one child that was kicking a door. When I opened the closet door where sweet boy was hiding, he looked up at me and said, "Quiet, please."

That is it! This is not going to be my son's kindergarten experience. Not on my watch. We left politely at the end of our meeting, but on the way out of the building, we happened to see two paraprofessionals restraining a large child (fourth or fifth grade) who was trying to bite. That sealed the deal for me. This boy cannot help the hand that he was dealt and I am sure that he is in the right class for him. However, this is not the right class for sweet boy at all. So I did what any sane mother of a special needs child with a deployed husband would do. I strapped my son into his seat safely and I sat in the car and cried. I cried for a solid 10 minutes and it was the ‘ugly’cry too! I want the best for my sweet boy and it starts tomorrow! I was so upset that I couldn't even think straight. There were a couple of margaritas and a lot of pizza, and, well, I cried some more.

Saturday morning, I became my son's advocate. I had four points to make that I felt were critical, and they were as follows:

  •     Physical safety
  •     No kinder peers in the class
  •     No assignment to a general education kinder class
  •     No discussion of IEP

I had to make my case clearly with passion but without emotion. There was no blame to be placed, but there were other avenues to pursue. As a team, let's re-examine our options for my sweet boy. I sent the email thinking that the assistant principal might get it over the weekend, but wait until Monday to answer. I was surprised to learn that I was wrong! Within an hour, she was calling my house. The first words out of her mouth were, "Here is our new plan." Oh the relief that rained down on me. I have not felt anything like that in a long time.

And what was the new plan? I am sure that you are dying to know! The plan was full inclusion. Are you kidding? I was so excited I could barely keep my cool when I said, ‘Thank you.’She scheduled an IEP meeting for Monday (the first day of kinder), and sweet boy would start his general education career on Tuesday. They needed one full school day to prepare for his arrival and I was thrilled to give it to them.

If you have a child or are close to a child with autism, you know that as far as behavior goes, it can be like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates: you never know what you're going to get. I was so glad that sweet boy was on target that day. He sat sweetly through the IEP meeting, and he impressed the team with the book that I brought to keep him occupied. But the thing that impressed me the very most, and I will remember it always, is that on the first day of kindergarten, his new teacher took the time out of her class to attend our meeting and meet sweet boy for the first time. I asked her if we could come back after school to meet his paraprofessional and check out the room. She thought that was a great idea. Again, sweet boy was on target. He loved the classroom. As soon as he walked in, he found a book and began to read it out loud to the teacher and the paraprofessonal. We talked about his behavior and expectations, and we created a dialog among the three of us that is proving to be amazing. I went to bed that night ready to send my sweet boy to kinder the next day.

Morning routine intact, we took some special pictures with older sweet boy and sweet girl, and I took a picture of little sweet boy and me. As I posted it to Facebook, all I could think was, ‘Look after my heart, for I have left it with you.’He pulled away on his bus, and I cried some more, but this time, they were really tears of joy. This is really the start of a new chapter for him. He came home triumphant that afternoon, and the smile on his face was all the evidence I needed of a good day. I also received an email from his teacher and another teacher on his team with regard to what a great day he had.

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way

It's getting better and better

 

Out on the ocean sailing away

I can hardly wait

To see you come of age

But I guess we'll both just have to be patient

'Cause it's a long way to go

A hard row to hoe

Yes it's a long way to go

But in the meantime

 

Before you cross the street

Take my hand

Life is what happens to you

While you're busy making other plans

 

Before you go to sleep

Say a little prayer

Every day in every way

It's getting better and better

John Lennon was right. It truly is getting better and better. I am glad to see sweet boy flourish. I am convinced that we could not have been given a better team and I stand truly amazed at what lies before my sweet boy.

If you are reading this and you have a child with special needs, I hope that you will take from this writing that you can be passionate about your child's education without being emotional. Remember that you are all on the same team. Voice your concerns without blaming and be prepared to answer any question on the table. Realize that by laying all of the cards on the table, you have a better chance to give your child a great education.

Finally, I have to say, "Thank You" to our Seitz Elementary team. Thank you for listening. Thank you for responding. Thank you for taking a chance on my sweet boy. He may not remember this part of kindergarten, but I will. He will remember Miss May and Mrs. Brown and their bright smiles. He will remember a brightly lit classroom full of children who are his age. He will remember how they all learned to negotiate school and life together.

 

Strength and Courage ... sby

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