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Deployment Soundtrack: Hold On Loosely
     Hold On Loosely

         .38 Special, 1981

            Preview Song

My third, and last, child starts kindergarten in the fall. Since he is on the autism spectrum, the powers that be decided that the best way for him to transition from pre-k to kindergarten was through an Extended School Year program. This means he will go to school for the month of June at the school where he will attend kindergarten. Does that make perfect sense? Yes. Is it the best thing for him? Yes. Does it scare me to death? Yes!

Did you know that 1 in every 88 children (1 in every 54 boys) is affected by autism? What is interesting to me is that it seems to affect every child differently. For my sweet boy, he echoes just as Dustin Hoffman's character did in "Rain Man." And just like a lot of kids on the spectrum, my sweet boy does not make connections. Quite simply, I can tell him that he is going to a new school with a new teacher, but he may or may not understand what that means. However, he jumped on the bus that morning (new driver, new assistant and all) before I could get the question, "Eisenhower, right?", out of my mouth. He was on the bus and gone before I knew it.

My dear friend asked me if I would be as emotional if he weren't special needs. She and I are both sending our third, and last, kids to school. We are both planning to be at the bus stop with our pom poms in hand cheering for the success of our babies and our new found freedom. But I admit to you, only my closest friends, that I am nervous in the pit of my stomach. I am nervous because he can't tell me when someone hurts him or when he doesn't get a fair shake. He can't tell me when he has achieved one of his educational goals or when he does something really cool on the playground. That makes me nervous.

Deployment or not, I have kids to raise and for my youngest sweet boy, I have to be vigilant. No matter how sad or frustrated I am. No matter how worried I am. He is counting on me to be his mom and his advocate. No matter what life throws at me, I will be both of those things for him with all of my might. But I also have to remember to let him experience life on his terms. It sometimes takes a little longer and a few more tries, but sweet boy, I promise you, I will "hold on loosely, but won't let go!”

 

Strength and Courage ... sby

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