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Editor's Blog: Beware where you swear

Beware, dear reader, for I’m going to swear. A lot.

You, I can warn. The general's wife who stumbled across me pitching a fit last month had no such luxury.

Lucky for me, she had an excellent sense of humor.

My friend and I were at the housing community center setting up tables for a function. We were irritated because no one else came to help. We were tired because it was just one more event in a long line of events marking the end of the school year. We were ticked. No, we were furious because the trade winds, which had been mild for weeks, came roaring in with the power of a small hurricane that morning.

Our event was outside. The tablecloths, placemats and programs – all paper - phoosh – gone with the first strong gust.

I chased them down a hill. Over cars. Under tables. In heels and a skirt. ‘Grumble, grumble, what the h***,’ I muttered.

Brilliant me, I thought, I’ll duct tape the suckers down. Ha! Have that wind.

Whoosh – down the hill, over the cars, under the tables – again. ‘Son of a *****, d**n it,’ my cursing and volume increased.

Duct tape on - check. Heavy centerpieces in the middle – check. Boxes strategically placed to hold everything – check.

Kafoosh! Slam! Crack! Down the hill, over cars, under the tables went the papers. The boxes of glass gifts were smashed. Centerpieces were turned upside down.

Then I said, no screamed, the mother of all swear words.

Then, I sang it.

And then I declared my defeat, with help from the word.

And then I sang my favorite four letter word, again, adding syllables and thrusting torn papers into the air for emphasis.

By the end of my outburst, I’m sure I appeared downright crazy.

About five minutes later, a woman walked out from around the corner and I immediately recognized her from the spouses’ club. She is the general’s wife.

Gasp. Terror. I am again saying the same swear word again but quietly in my head for a whole new reason. She knows exactly who I am too.

She greeted me with a hug and a smile and pleasant, quick conversation. And then she was gone. I turned to my friend who was practically peeing herself she was laughing so hard.

Apparently, the general’s wife had walked to the community center to show some visiting relatives the lovely windswept ocean view from its peak. A view I ruined with my ode to the f-word.

And when she heard me screeching, my friend said the general’s wife backed quickly out of view and proceeded to laugh hysterically.

I’m sure I did set quite a scene singing swear words into the wind as tablecloths turned in the air around me.

And as funny as it probably was, I will never, ever swear like that in public again. This woman probably understood the absolute stress we were under and was truly laughing with me.

Next time, my unintended audience may not find it as amusing.

So, lovely reader, sometimes you really do feel like cussing into the wind. Sometimes, the wind deserves it. But you may just want to save it for later.

You’ll thank yourself at the next spouse club meeting.

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