Salute to Spouses Blog

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Learning to Love Being a Military Spouse
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There are women in my neighborhood, lots of them, who want nothing to do with Army life.

They don’t attend FRG meetings. They don’t attend teas with the commander’s wife. They may not even know who their husband’s commander is.

Tara Crooks – a noted military spouse blogger and writer, and our recent webinar guest – used to be one of them. Last week, Tara told the Salute to Spouses community all about how she too used to shun the idea of military spouse life.

Then she described the journey that carried her to her life today, as a leader in the military spouse community. As I listened, I turned my phone to mute, even though I was supposed to be on the line with her – sorry, Tara. I didn’t mean to leave you hanging! But I would have been nothing but a distraction. As she spoke, I laughed, I cried, I mused at how many of her frustrations and triumphs sounded so similar to the experiences of my family and those around us.

Just like Tara, I realized at some point, you simply can’t fight it, no matter how hard you try. You are a military spouse, whether you like it or not.

I jumped feet first – no, did a cannonball into my military “spousehood,” being a part of the FRG and attending the teas and being everything my soldier and his unit needed me to be.

Then, the shine started to come off of military life.

The FRG felt more like a gossip tank and a means for rescuing distraught and misbehaving spouses. As a senior NCO spouse I was prohibited from participating in many of the fun functions that the officer’s wives attended. I was tired, I was lonely, and I really wasn’t interested in being a military spouse any longer.

When my soldier came home and it was time to PCS I put my foot down. I wasn’t interested in bailing wayward young spouses out of jail. I wasn’t going to the darn ball and God as my witness, I didn’t give two cents who the commander’s wife was or what she needed or wanted. So there!

But, within a week of arriving at our new duty station, I was appointed as the new FRG leader. I was organizing events. I had lunch with the commander’s wife (and she was lovely). No matter how much I tried, I can’t deny how much I love my military life.

Yes, to this day, I moan about Army red tape. I tell my husband after every FRG meeting that I am quitting come Monday. I loathe prepping for the ball and I secretly fantasize about running off and living a “normal” life.

But this is our normal. Even for the women who refuse to embrace their military “spousehood” to its fullest potential, this is your normal and you will miss it.

The sticky military red tape that dictates everything from how we mow our lawns to how often we see our husbands has become the guiding force in our lives. Without it, I think my household may fall apart.

The military pomp and circumstance, and even shopping for those darn ball gowns, have become highlights of our years and milestone markers that we compare all other events against.

And no matter how much you say you hate the Army, the phrase passes my lips frequently, you are just as proud as you can be when your soldier is in full uniform and in a formation for a unit function.

The flag unfurls, the music plays, this feels like home – no matter how much you try to distance yourself.

 

About Tara Crooks

Tara Crooks is the creator of Army Wife Talk Radio, Co-Founder of Army Wife Network, and Co-Author of 1001 Things to Love about Military Life. She and her husband Kevin and two daughters Wrena and Chloe are currently stationed at Fort Sill, OK. Her husband deployed to Afghanistan in late April this year for his third deployment. Team Crooks, as they like to call themselves, have been in the Army for 14 years. Today Tara hopes to share her journey with us and encourage us to celebrate this unique lifestyle that we lead.

 

Click to purchase 1001 Things to Love about Military Life

About Army Wife Network
Army Wife Network is the internet’s leading website for Army Wives, by Army Wives. We boast the only internet talk radio show designed specifically for military spouses- Army Wife Talk Radio- in its seventh year of broadcasting. To find out more about AWN’s history and interactive empowerment tools, please visit our website at http://www.armywifenetwork.com.  AWN cofounders, Tara Crooks and Starlett Henderson, are coauthors of 1001 Things to Love about Military Life along with Kathie Hightower and Holly Scherer.

 

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